Being a mom has tested my faith.
"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see." 2 Corinthians 5:7 -- This is the Bible verse that has been hanging in Ava's room since before she was born and I am just now realizing that it is the most perfect verse for me to keep in the forefront of my mind every single day of my life as a mom.
I'm a pretty easy going mom to the point where people are constantly asking me if Ava is my second child. Everyone says I'm very relaxed as a mom and I like being that way. It's probably a combination of how I was raised and Ava being a very easy going baby but I do my best to not stress about things that don't need stressing.
But despite all of that, motherhood has really taught me how little faith I have in God.
I'm a Christian. I go to church on Sundays. I pray multiple times a day. From the outside looking in, it may seem that I have great faith in God but this whole mommy thing has really tested that, despite my happy-go-lucky parenting ways.
I've been trying to teach Ava how to properly get down off the couch for months and months and months and just recently, she has seemed to have mastered it. Every single time she wants to get down, she lays on her belly, puts her feet down first and slides off the couch safely. (Yes, one very proud mama right here). And it's funny because I JUST told Frank this weekend how I was finally comfortable with her sitting on the couch with me. Not when I leave the room, of course, but I'm finally to a point where she can sit on the couch and I don't have to sit there holding her for safety.
And literally the day after I told him that, she was crawling on over to the other side of the couch to get to Baxter and she rolled right off the side where the corners of the couch meet. It's was a graceful roll onto the padded rug we have below and she got right back up and went about her day. Not even a little tear or cry.
Okay, that must have been a fluke.
And then on Monday we are sitting there and she falls backward and bonks her little noggin on our ottoman. Thank goodness it's a soft, padded ottoman but as a mom this scared me. It scared me like crazy. She cried for maybe five seconds and of course, I hopped onto good ole Google to see if I should take her to the doctor.
Every single article said no. No crying, she was acting normal and no throwing up. There wasn't a single sign of reason to be worried and yet, all of the "what ifs" continued to dance around through my head.
"What if she just isn't showing any of those signs?"
"What if I let her fall asleep and she happens to have gotten a concussion?"
"What if...what if...what if."
Of course as moms we need to find the balance between being protective over our little ones but at the same time, we need to have a little faith. If we are constantly worrying about the day to day what ifs, then we cannot even begin to enjoy the beauty that is sitting there right in front of us.
I get it -- the balance seems to be impossible to attain and as we go through all of the hoops of life, our faith is going to be tested time and time again. But I pray that as I continue this journey, that I can have a little more faith in God each and every day so that I know when to be protective and when to understand that this precious little life is being watched over every single day.
If we continue to walk and grow in our faith then I believe that our journey as parents will continue to be a little more bright, less worrisome, and more beautiful each and every day.
"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see." 2 Corinthians 5:7