Topic: Be the First to Make the Move
Challenge of the Day:
Make the move today.
Do something that your spouse wants from you and needs from you,
whether or not he/she has done anything for you. Apologize first if you've gotten into an argument, compliment him/her before he/she compliments you.
Be the first to make that move. Be the bigger person.
Quote of the Day:
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." -- Proverbs 22:6
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Just like motherhood isn't a contest, marriage isn't a contest either. Just like you shouldn't compare yourself to other moms (especially what you see on social media), you shouldn't compare yourself to your spouse. You shouldn't compare the hard work you've put in vs the hard work your spouse has, the number of dishes you have washed vs what he has washed or the number of "things" you've done for him vs the number of "things" he's done for you.
I believe that this is where marriages begin to spiral out of control.
Just think about this scenario:
What if you were only to provide for your kids when they were nice to you, didn't complain, were polite all day long, did their chores without asking, etc. etc. etc. What if you only drove them to school and sports and fed them when they did all of the things you wanted them to do for you? Would that ever happen? Nope, that just wouldn't fly.
That isn't parenting at all.
You ever heard the phrase, "Lead by example"? Yes, yes you have. When our kids scream, we talk in a calmer tone in hopes that they mimic that. When our kids do the opposite of what they're told, we continue cooking them dinner and hugging them and kissing them and loving them so they can begin to learn grace and love and forgiveness but in marriage, it seems that all of those rules sometimes fly out the window.
When we were first married, we agreed that I would be in charge of the "household stuff." I'd be the one to do the cleaning, the cooking and I'd handle the bills and those were all things I was happy to do. In fact, it made my heart incredibly happy that I was able to provide these things in our marriage. I worked from home, my schedule was super flexible and his wasn't and I was happy to provide those things as his wife.
Then my blogs started to take off, we had a baby and life got a bit more busy, to say the least.
And I felt like I was doing far more than he was. Yes, that is what we had agreed upon together and yes, we didn't ever have a talk about changing those rules but in my mind, he should've realized that I needed more help. And because I was stressed and annoyed and pretty angry at him some days (or most days), I felt that I shouldn't provide him with the things he wanted from me, because he wasn't providing me with the things I wanted from him.
And you'd never guess what he was thinking [ <--- sarcasm]
He was thinking, "Jenn isn't providing me with the things I need and want so I'm not going to provide her with the things she wants or needs." It was an endless cycle. It kept going around and around and around and we got more resentful of each other and annoyed with each other and soon enough, it was up to one of us to break the cycle.
To make a long story short:
Make the Move.
Be the spouse who does something for the other, even when they aren't doing what you want and need from them. This is exactly what you do for your kids -- you lead by example. And I will bet you, the more you do for your spouse, the more they will want to do for you.
Be the first to make that move.
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