Photos by Briana Lindsey Photography
The struggles we face in motherhood all come down to one single word and I can't seem to get it right.
Because I write about my motherhood journey, I'm constantly looking back at my days, my weeks, my months and my journey to see where I had it wrong, where I could improve and most importantly, where I'm going as a mom. I write about my struggles and I write about those triumphs and I let you all in on a little piece of my world that [hopefully] connects us all together on a more personal level. I hope to show you that you're not alone in those struggles and that they are so worth it in the long haul, no matter how down you may be feeling.
This week was a struggle, to say the least. You see, it's kind of funny because Ava was a complete angel all week long. She cooperated and even was excited about our photoshoot, she went to bed fast and easy every single night, she napped in her crib, she was loving, sweet and had few tears or meltdowns and yet, this week was rough for me. Last night I felt like I couldn't "mom" any longer -- I was drained, I was weak and I was a complete grump. It's true.
And this totally got me thinking...
When I look back at my week on paper, it all sounded so perfect. On top of Ava being a perfect little human being, I got SO MUCH work done! I succeeded and yet, I still feel like a failure. So as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, "WHY?"
WHY am I feeling down at the end of what seemed like such a triumphant week?
WHY when everything went as planned do I not feel fantastic waking up on this beautiful Friday morning?
You see, every struggle in motherhood comes down to one single word:
And this week, my balance was clearly off.
- I got a lot of work done, but that means I spent so much less quality time with Ava. And this week will never come back. She's older now and I'll never get this week back again.
- The house stayed at oh-so-clean but during that time, Ava was playing on her own. Without me.
- At what point do I give in to a screaming child for my own sanity or do I teach her a lesson no matter how heart-wrenching it may be?
- Do I snuggle her all day every day and risk her being "too attached" to me? Or do I let her play more on her own and risk not having as strong of a bond with her.
So many questions, second-guessing myself and if I'm being honest, questions that there is no right or wrong answer to. And every single struggle I've felt through motherhood has come down to balance. And I'm terrible at it. I think we all are to some extent.
I give everything my all and I dive in head first. And that's exactly where I've gone wrong. Because with that, means lack of balance and clearly, without balance I don't end up feeling too great.
So at the end of this week, I'm feeling down because I've forgotten about balance. I've forgotten that there are so many puzzle pieces that make up my life and I need every single one of those pieces to complete my puzzle. I need every single piece in order to feel complete, happy and accomplished, no matter what my week looks like on paper.
It's not about what you've accomplished on paper but what you're feeling in your heart, your mind and your soul.
My work-mom balance was a little off this week with far too much focus on work for my mama heart. And as I move into next week, it's a week to tackle perfection. Or at least, my striving for a more perfect balance. It's a journey and I'm learning every single day. And next week and every week after that, it will be a journey that I love calling my own.