You need chaos in your life + this is why.

Ava was an easy baby — like literally the easiest baby alive. And I am so thankful for that. And then she hit 18 months old and we thought that crazy chaotic stage was never going to end. I think she just hit those toddler two’s about six months early and during this time, all I wanted was for it to end.

I was miserable.

I cried every day. She screamed all day long. I never made dinner. I couldn’t find the motivation to work. In fact, I didn’t have the motivation to do anything at all. And I was exhausted without doing anything at all.

It was the worst.

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Of course I loved my baby girl through all of it and I wouldn’t have had it any other way but there was probably a month period where I told myself over and over and over that I just couldn’t take this anymore. I couldn’t do it. Motherhood was far too difficult for me to handle. Why me? Why the sudden change in her behavior? Am I cut out for this? It was rough, to say the least.

But I am so thankful for those chaotic moments.

If we didn’t go through that crazy stage, then this amazing and wonderful two-year-old stage we’re going through (still with tantrums but far less than before) wouldn’t seem so perfect to me.

If Ava were to go to sleep every single night without a fuss, then I would never experience those feelings of pure bliss on the nights she goes down without a hitch.

If Ava never threw a tantrum in her life, then those days full of snuggles and smiles and no tears wouldn’t be as beautiful to me.

If my home was clean every single day, then I wouldn’t have the chance to feel so thankful for a husband who surprises me with the best gift ever: waking up to a spotless home on a Monday morning.

If my husband and I never fought a second in our lives, then the months of pure bliss we’ve experienced over the past six months wouldn’t seems as special to me.

If life were perfect, then the beautiful moments just wouldn’t be as beautiful because we’d really have nothing to compare them to.

So embrace it. Embrace the chaotic, messy, crazy life we call motherhood. Embrace is with all of your heart. [I know, I know. It’s far easier said than done and I am probably the worst offender in those chaotic moments.] Because only these moments of mayhem can show us how extraordinary the many moments of calm and peace and happiness truly are.